Gooftees Funny Blog

I’ll never forget what my grandpa told me….. hmmm give me a minute, I’ll think of it. hehe
When I was young… we used to have to walk 5 miles just to get a condom. Through 5 feet of snow, up hill both ways, wolves nipping at our feet, no shoes or socks, and in the dark without a flashlight. And we did all of this with a boner. hahahaha i don’t care who you are that’s funny right there.

Man last nite was rough… I got home at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2.

How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.

If blondes have more fun, do they really know it?

When it’s raining and it’s storming the beer in the fridge needs pouring.

I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.

My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire… I noticed your cat. Sorry!

I am thinking about releasing a country Album, “I returned drunk from playing redneck horseshoes and hunting all day when I decided to kiss my sweetie with my fist after she ran my drunk, three legged dog over with her truck shortly after she got out of prison and burned down my momma’s house.”

Looking like a fool with his genitals draggin on the ground. What? That isn’t how it goes? MY BAD. Wish someone would have told me before I executed this.